"You can't do anything right!"
"You suck at everything!"
"God, are you ever dumb!"
Who could be so cruel to talk to someone like that? Even so, these words probably sound familiar to you, because that is how most of us talk - to ourselves.
Words like this hit home for me more that I care to admit. For the longest time, I beat myself into such a state I couldn't even hold my head up and say hello. I once thought that to compliment myself would be arrogant and conceited.
I never dreamed I would write articles like this, especially one this personal.
For my lack of self confidence, I did what any self respecting teenager would do. I blamed others. I blamed it on my parents. Sometimes, I would even blame the kids on the playground from so many years ago who told me I was ugly.
Now I know I created most of my own problems. When I started to tell myself that I was ugly, stupid, and couldn't do anything right, I set up a self fulfilling prophecy.
I neglected my appearance and made myself unattractive. I never tried very hard at anything and gave off an attitude that made many people not like me.
When I got to college, I felt sick of the way my life was going. Enough was enough. My life wasn't going to magically get any better, and no one else was coming to my rescue.
I realized that if I wanted to be happy and successful, I had to work for it. If I wanted miracles in my life, I had to make them happen myself. The only problem was I had no idea where to start.
One day I heard about a book called Psycho Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz. It opened my eyes to the fact that my subconscious programming could be changed. Self talk is the secret.
Maxwell Maltz was a plastic surgeon who often wondered what made some people improve their lives after having a deformity corrected. On the other hand, some patients were just as insecure as ever even though they attained perfect outward beauty.
This led him to a lifetime study into the human mind, and human potential. He found that in order to achieve any outward success, you first had to see it mentally. Through visualization and self talk, you can reverse even the most miserable of circumstances.
To combat negative self talk, I learned to visualize a giant red stop sign and mentally yell "Cancel" every time I had a self defeating thought. I also learned that trying to change years of subconscious programming and negative self talk is about as easy as trying to toilet train a cat. I had to mentally yell "Cancel, cancel, cancel" so much it seemed ridiculous.
But over time, I started to respect myself for doing the best I could with the knowledge I had. Gradually, my self talk became more empowering. With persistence, the new thoughts began to take hold, and for the first time in my life I felt a touch of self confidence.
Changing your self talk is like trampling a new path through the woods. With each use, the new pathway becomes clearer, and the old way grows over with grass and weeds. It's difficult at first, but the rewards are well worth it.
This life can only be as great as our minds will allow it to be. Our dominant thoughts determine our attitude, beliefs, and most importantly, our actions.
All of the things you desire most are not going to drop from the heavens. Happiness and success are only possible when we take full responsibility for ourselves. It begins when we become more aware of and more in control of the most important conversation any of us will ever have - the one within.
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