Did you ever wonder why being loved, successful, or admired is something for other people, but not for you? The answer to that question is very simple: the other people have heard and accepted positive affirmations about themselves, for years, from people they believe. Think for a moment about the simplicity of that: Positive affirmations feed your belief in yourself.
Many of the miseries of life are the result of belief in the negative things which were stated as fact about us as children. Adults often say and do frightening things to and around children. These are taken in by children in a very literal way and interpreted as a true view of who they are. Children accept the authority of adults without question. And, because children tend to want to keep adults happy, they often act out what they have heard from those adults in order to prove the adults right. Often, the adults are unaware of their power, and thus seem confused when the children then act badly.
This begins young, and can run throughout life.
Here are some examples:
A. Grandma tells me she will take away my new toy and give it to my cousin if I don't play with it "right."
Grandma does not tell me what "right" means to her.
I love my Grandma, and therefore feel vaguely "wrong" about how I play with this toy, no matter what I am doing. Because of this, I avoid playing with it.
Grandma takes the toy away because I don't play with it "right." I am left alone in my "wrongness."
Because I don't know how to resolve this, I come to believe that I don't deserve new toys.
Because I don't deserve new toys, Grandma has the right to take things away. And around we go again with the next new toy.
This becomes: "I don't deserve new things," which is in fact easier to live with than the confusion between Grandma and what is "right."
The child who decides early on that Grandma is a nut case, and has other loving adults who agree, makes further life decisions of a very different nature from the one who continues to try to love and please Grandma.
B. When a child expresses needs that counter the parent's needs, or touches very sore spots in the untrained parent's psyche, the angry response might be: "Who do you think you are, MR. BIG?"
The child can internalize this as: "I am unable to express my needs." Or: "I am not safe." Or: "Mother will not satisfy me." etc. The child, unsafe to express needs and get them met, becomes more and more needy, probably clingy or disruptive, and less and less tolerable to the parent who is threatened by such neediness. And round we go again.
The decisions, "I don't deserve", "I'm not safe", "I am unable", or "I am alone", become foundation blocks upon which the further behaviors of the individual are built. They become life patterns. Changing those patterns changes the foundation itself. Affirmations rebuild the foundation. The new foundation is positive and supporting. Old behaviors change easily to express the beauty of the new one.
In my career as a therapist, the list of negative statements and put-downs that my clients bring is long and utterly dreary:
"You Jerk!; Why are you so stupid (clumsy, silly, needy)?; Who do you think you are, the Great I Am?; There you go again.; What are you doing here?; You're just like your Dad (Mom, bad sister, etc); Go away!; I should never have had you!; Why can't you get it right, for a change?; You little bastard!; You are what's wrong with this family!; Don't be an idiot!; Now What?; Are you still here?" Etc.
The ones that my clients wish they had heard as children are surprisingly, and poignantly, few:
I love you. We love you. You are loved. I am worthy. I'm OK. You're so smart. You can do anything you put your mind to. I'm so proud of you. I love you. Yes. Yes. Yes.
Just reading that list is like a cool breeze. Did reading one make you feel strange? That is the one for you. Now for two others. Pick three statements from the list below, especially if they make you feel funny when you first read them, and write them on pretty paper. The three you pick are just for you---they are yours, for you are unique, and are now beginning to express the truth of your amazing nature.
I believe in myself.
I am worthy.
I can do anything I put my mind to.
I am satisfied.
I find joy every day.
I am loved.
I love.
Stick your affirmations onto your mirror, fridge, dashboard, notebook cover, in your wallet, and (yes, AND) anywhere else you will see them. Say them out-loud all day, greet yourself in the morning with them. Begin today. Now. Print them out right now and Begin. Your life will become more livable, more flexible, more enjoyable than it is right now.
http://www.katebowditch.com/
I write about hypnosis practice itself and about those experiences that are felt and interpreted by the deepest aspects of ourselves. As a hypnotherapist and author for 15+ years, I explore how we incorporate information from our subconscious mind into our daily lives.
Please visit my website/blog to order my book, "20-20 Insight, Advanced Theory and Practice of Hypnosis:"
http://www.katebowditch.com/ (click on "hypnosis")
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